Christian and I (Sarah) are the parents of a 4 yr. old, beautiful, sweet boy named Sven who was diagnosed with Leukemia on 4.19.09. Immediately we started chemotherepy treatment for Sven with the Pediatric Oncology Center @ Stony Brook University Hospital on Long Island, NY. I will outline some highs and lows and most of all type some frustrations away :-)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

An Award...

Jennifer over at Life with the Lebedas passed an award to me, thanks Jennifer! I started this blog mainly because I wanted an outlet for my sadness and my inability to function with day to day life after Sven's cancer diagnosis. I was in a severe funk and just cried all day long. I started writing because I could not use my voice to get out all the feelings, all the fear, all the sadness. Since I have started to see some light, days have gotten better, I get up everyday ;-), I wear pants with buttons and zippers, I open all the blinds to let the sun in and so forth. It is getting better :-).

So the rules of the award are to share 10 honest things about me and to pass the award on to 10 other bloggers, so here it goes...

10 Honest things...

1. My heart is still broken and I am unsure of it ever healing.
2. I would trade& give anything for Sven not to have cancer.
3. I still wake up at night to check if Sven is breathing.
4. I cry when I drive in the car alone, I won't cry in front of Sven.
5. I pretend to be strong during all cancer related appointments.
6. I clench my jaw and grind my teeth when I sleep because I can't manage stress properly.
7. I can't look in the rooms on the pediatric oncology wing at the hospital.
8. Cancer scares the Heck out of me.
9. I have anxiety over Sven's daily medication, it is a constant reminder that Sven has cancer.
10. I pretend that I am not so affected by Cancer to my husband so he won't be as scared as I am.

10 Bloggers...


  1. Thanks for keeping this going! Thought you deserved an award of honesty! It definitely takes a lot to tell your story to the world! Praying for you and your family, that God will take all your struggles away!

  2. I'm so very sorry that you and your son (and family) are having to deal with this. I couldn't imagine the worry and pain you must feel having a child with cancer. I want to tell you to keep your head lifted high, and continue to pray. It DOES work! My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer (appendix cancer) right before Christmas and was given approx. 24 months to live. She went for her CT and Pet scans last week and not one trace of cancer remains! God is good, and I will be praying for your little one to come through this!!

    I'm coming over from MBC and following you with both of my blogs. I would love to have you visit mine when you get a chance! :)


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  3. I can't imagine what you go through on daily basis. I think of you EVERY day!

    Thank you for the award.

  4. Hi there! I'm popping in from MBC and am now following.

    While I have not dealt with cancer, my son does have a progressive disease which appears to gradually be overtaking each of his body's systems. I know the feelings that stem from caring for and watching your child hurt and struggle...and not being able to make it go away (or even make it better). I know it all too well...(((hugs)))

  5. I'm so sorry for everything, I wish I could take away some of your sadness.