Today has been a weepy day, I am not sure why today. Driving in the car my eyes just filled with tears and it is not the poor me tears it is just the saddness that overwhelms not caring the day or time. I am sad that this has ever become part of our life, I am sad that my Sven and all the other little kids we have met on this journey have seen & felt such pain. Talking with another cancer Mom I mentioned that even when we are 60 yrs. old and all this chemo is behind us and our kids are grown and living normal healthy lives we will be driving or sitting or shopping and all of a sudden be overwhelmed by the saddness that we shared and still cry, it is what we have seen and what we have had to stand by and watch or little ones go through. It is the connection that we have to our children and it is a reminder that we are a small group and that we know that we are the lucky ones whose kids have made it through but we don't dare take it for granted we live with the miserable pain of knowing it can happen again. I am lucky to have Sven in my arms each and everyday!!
Monday, February 1, 2010
This post is especially for Sven's tante (aunt) Katrin, she will most likely besides Sven and I be the only other one to understand and laugh as I did.
I was explaining to Sven that he will soon have another new cousin, that Papa's sister was having a baby girl soon and close to his birthday, usually Sven gets excited about new cousins but he has a history with his cousin Felix from Germany, after some thinking from Sven he said "oh no Mama, I don't have enough toys for another German cousin to eat.... I tried to explain Katrin :-) but what it comes down to is that Sven is happy that it will be a girl cousin because girl cousins from Germany will only want to eat girl toys and he is a boy so he does not have girl toys :-). I think when the boys are together again Felix will have grown so much that I can introduce him using his middle name and the whole saga will be over ;-)