4 yr old

I underestimate Sven’s ability to understand what is going on in his body. This morning wake up time was not so nice, part of Sven's chemotherapy protocol involves a drug called vincristine and this weakens his muscles and gives him bone pain. Today he has school (he goes to Prince of Peace Catholic school 2x per week) so after I woke him up he slowly went to the couch and just laid down, and this is not the usual Sven he is usually with such enthusiasm telling me about a super hero he was dreaming about, well none of that, I asked him what was up and he said that his legs are hurting today and they did not want to move, I helped him and asked him if he still wanted to go to school and the trooper he is he said "yeah, Mama it's a school day" after getting dressed and cleaned he asked me if his legs hurt because of the cancer in his body, this always stops me short. They really do feel what is going on in their little bodies they understand that the chemo is affecting them they understand cancer and it pisses me off that a 4 yr. old even knows what cancer is. I always wanted him to have that perfect child life where everything is beautiful and fresh and everyone is caring and loving and that in these early years life is just a perfect thing, but he knows otherwise he knows he has cancer and he knows not everyone has it and he knows he is different and he knows that cancer hurts and he knows that it worries me. Just as I have said to him in the past cancer sucks. Grrrrr cancer! I think today I will need to cry for a bit.